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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

My take on Chuck Norris

As long as I can remember I have always disliked Chuck Norris. From Walker Texas Ranger to all of the other ridiculous TV shows and movies. If I remember correctly, the dislike I had for him and his shows is one of the first things my wife and I realized we had in common when we first started dating. Whenever we were channel surfing, if Chuck Norris' face came on the screen, a rude comment would be made by both of us and the channel would be changed immediately.

Well, something changed in the past couple of months. I started listening to the Dan Le Batard show on 790 the Ticket (with Stugotz). Talk about obsessions with Chuck Norris. These guys are Chuck Norris fanatics. They actually had Chuck Norris on the show last week, and were so nervous they completely screwed up the interview (was pretty funny).

I have to say, these guys have turned me into a fan of the Chuck Norris sayings. Now that doesn't mean my finger will start to cramp up when he shows up on my TV. Maybe the rude comments will be replaced with on of the famous Chuck Norris facts. We'll see.

With that being said, I would like to share my favorite Chuck Norris facts in no particular order.

1. The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
2. Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
3. If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.
4. When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.
5. Chuck Norris was so mad when he found out Santa wasn't real, he invented Hanukkah.
6. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
7. They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Neither does Chuck Norris. He doesn't have to.
8. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
9. Chuck Norris ends every relationship with "It’s not me, its you".
10. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.


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